Thursday, January 15, 2009

All The Cool Kids

I might have mentioned this before, but I was a geek, nerd, outcast, social reject, etc., you get the point. As as child I tried very hard to get noticed by the popular kids. When it became obvious to me that I was working toward an unobtainable goal, I gave up and simply tried to be me. I never, however, let go of the desire to one day be more than them and to be able to show them that success whatever it may be. I just can't completely let go of that insecurity and I still find myself on the outside looking in.

On the twitter, along with following my actual friends and contemporaries, I have chosen to follow who I think are the cool kids. The other day one of them asked all those strangers follwing her why we were stalking her. I replied that I try to follow the cool kids and live vicariously through them. I am still that geek, hoping that they will turn around, notice me and realize that we would get on famously. More often than not, I still go unnoticed my those I deem cool and even though I know that it shouldn't bother me that people I have never met and will probably never meet don't pay attention to me, it brings back those juvenile high school feelings of rejection.

Every once in a while something will happen to make me question my invisible geek status. Usually that thing will be a comment left on a blog feature of my work. A comment like this, "I've loved her work for ages." or "I've been a fan of her work for sometime.". They always make me stop and audibly utter, "Really?". Then I sit and wonder if there are in fact people who think that I am one of the cool kids? Are there people out there who wish that I would turn around and notice them, 'cause that's really weird to me. Sure I get the occasional odd follow on twitter from someone I don't know, I assume that they are just randomly picking people by their avatars, but is it possible that a few are, dare I saw, fans?

I have not accepted this scenario at all, though I do entertain it from time to time. When I imagine that it is all true I get a little sad that even if it is, I doubt that Internet fame is something I could lord over my childhood cool kids. I can never go back and redo my childhood, though I don't think I would even if it were possible. That rejected kid I was developed a great, albeit strange sense of humor and relatively healthy sense of self. It is that kid that bonded over a similar past with the rejected kid that was my future husband. I know I'll never be that cool kid nor friends with the cool kids I live vicariously through on twitter and really that's fine.

6 comments:

Leah said...

Two things: if this "cool girl" doesn't want strangers following her, she should make her tweets private, and, I think your work is very cool :)

Youvegotmaille said...

Did you see Happy Feet? One of the penguins with a Mexican accent said of Happy Feet (can't remember what his name was): "That guy is so accidentally cool!"

I've come to accept that there's such a thing as geekily cool. And the definition of cool changes a lot when high school is far behind you. The people on my cool list always have a touch of nerdiness or geekiness somehow.

Besides, in high school cool involved hair sprayed to solidity and leg warmers. I did not qualify.

AJ said...

I think you're one of the cool kids! I follow you on Twitter because I'd seen your tatted work on Etsy and I just love it.

(I also went through a stage of wanting to be noticed by the cool kids. I even tried to dress like them. It didn't last long)

betsybookwyrm said...

I've been reading your blog for a couple of months now after I saw your work on Etsy. I think your tatting is really lovely and very clever and original, which makes you a cool person :)

I totally agree with the above commenter about geeky cool - there are all different sorts of cool for all sorts of groups of people. If all the people in the world tried to be the exact same, things would be so boring!

Crafty Mama said...

It took me all of high school and most of college to realize that if I'm confident and happy others will naturally want to hang around me.

I (vikki77) followed you on twitter because of your blog AND because I think you're pretty cool! Anyone who can make thread and wire look as gorgeous as you do has to be cool.

Sewicked said...

*looks around for eavesdroppers* Psst, you are cool. Of course, I'm a geek too so take that for what it's worth.